Still easier to assemble than a bailout

AP headline: Obama surprises daughters with new swing set

Sure, that's easy to do when you don't put it together yourself.

Japan's problem

Reuters headline: Toyota exec to meet with US autos task force

The DL knows what you're thinking. Don't worry, they already got a loan from Japan.

Shortens the pain

CNN.com headline: Study: 86.7 million Americans uninsured over last two years

Well if they were sick at least because of the stock market, it didn't take them too long to go through their life savings.

The bright side

AP headline: Phew! Asteroid's passing was a cosmic near-miss

Well if it had hit us, we wouldn't have to worry about global warming.

Really?

MTV.com headline: Britney Spears Fans Rave About 'Life-Changing' Circus Show

Life-changing just isn't what it used to be.

E-mail the DL at dl(at)interactivespace.com.

We hope not anyway

MSNBC.com headline: That 5th District Seat a Pricey One

Just repeat after me: Rahm Emanuel's seat wasn't sold. Rahm Emanuel's seat wasn't sold... Right?

And we haven't seen it all yet

TheAtlantic.com headline: Reviewing the Bush Administration

WashingtonPost.com headline: Post-9/11 Memos Show More Bush-Era Legal Errors

IHT.com headline: Bush administration memos claimed vast war powers

The reviews can't be good so far.

Lost 401K

MiamiHerald.com headline: Obama urges anxious Americans to look at the long term

Do they have a choice at this point?

Use Facebook on your own time

Reuters headline: Yahoo CEO interested in social networks, search

Well, she better get back to work of she'll be fired.

Look at me!

Forbes.com headline: Why Celebrities Twitter

Could it be because they like attention?

E-mail the DL at dl(at)interactivespace.com.

Budget savings

FOXNews.com: "Rod Blagojevich signed a six-figure book deal and plans to write a book 'exposing the dark side of politics,' according to his publicist."

Peter Fitzgerald, don't bother gathering the evidence, just wait until he's done.

All relative

Bloomberg.com headline: Ruth Madoff Says Her $62 Million ‘Unrelated’ to Fraud

Is this like how the $1.6 billion used by Northern Trust to have a golf tournament was "unrelated"?

Snow joke

AP headline: Ferocious storm dumps heavy snow on East Coast

USAToday.com headline: Thousands gather in DC cold for rally about global warming

Admittedly, this was bad timing, but they didn't have time to wait for a summer day.

Does not meet performance

Bloomberg.com headline: Bank of America Reduces Pay to CEO Lewis by 60%

But don't feel sorry for him. The 40% he did get is still almost $10 million.

You can hear me now

Half of the world now has a cell phone, for those of you wondering if you can move somewhere to get away from them.

E-mail the DL at dl(at)interactivespace.com.

Can you buy a remedy?

AP headline: Burris says he's working hard to represent Ill.

Sickening, but not ill.

Pick your poison

ZDNet.com headline: Marine One details leaked from P2P net

So they were successful in getting people to stop downloading MP3s, but is this any better?

Poor guys

NYTimes.com headline: UBS Is Said to Raise Pay Despite Cuts in Bonuses

Those investment bankers have yachts, too, you know.

Terrorist snowstorm

CNN.com headline: Snowstorm targets East Coast; New England braces for 15 inches

This snowstorm must be stopped before it sets its sights on the rest of the country.

Shocking news

ChicagoTribune.com headline: Stop the electricity slurpers in your home

Yes, before they get electrocuted.

E-mail the DL at dl(at)interactivespace.com.